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Realtor Matt Parker Proposes First-Ever Municipal Moat – in Burien


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In other news, Matt Parker, a local real estate broker, is circulating a petition to create the first-ever municipal moat in America – on SW 152nd Street in downtown Burien.

Moats were used, of course, in medieval architecture to protect castles from intrusion. This one, Parker tells us, wouldn’t be built to keep people out; instead it would keep them in.

“You’ve got these awesome storefronts along 152nd that are already exciting and inviting to patrons of all sorts. I am saying we take out the cars, lose the asphalt, and run a killer ‘lazy river’ style waterway from the Tin Room to Elliot Bay Brewery. You can’t tell me potential Burien Town Square owners wouldn’t love a meandering waterway to their favorite restaurant or gym (CrossFit).”

The moat, which has been engineered and exhibited on the first page of the petition, would be regulated to comfortable temperature year round; up to 98 degrees in the winter and 70 degrees in the summer. It would run slightly downhill to the east – in an arc that cuts through Burien Town Square and City Hall – so you could inner tube the course it you wanted to.

Based on the approved architectural renderings, the moat will displace several Burien businesses – including the main Post Office – which are being given first rights to create floating storefronts at their current locations.

“You would never get a parking ticket again. SW 152nd would become a year-round social hub and a national treasure of a small town. Mt. Rushmore would have nothing on Burien, WA.”

The Waterland Blog thinks Parker, well known for his standup paddle adventures, has selfish goals in mind. Namely, he could paddle from his residence in Olde Burien to his gym then to his office. We asked him what would happen if he dropped important paperwork in the water:

“Mermaids. Mermaid couriers to avoid that. They are real, I saw it on the Discovery Channel.”

Matt Parker
To learn more about Matt, visit his blog here: http://mattcparker.blogspot.com

Matt Parker, Realtor
206-226-8323
Voted 5 Star Agent 3 Consecutive Years
Seattle Magazine
“Best in client satisfaction”

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