The Marine View Driver: New Year’s Resolution for the Ages(d)

Wherein the author hits on a sure-fire resolution delivery system.

By Mike Smith

Since it is a new year I’ve been thinking about resolutions.

I don’t have much luck keeping resolutions. I am much more successful at breaking resolutions. So this year I am going to make an unbreakable vow. Instead of trying to quit something, I’m going to start doing something.

As I am entering the third period of the hockey-game of life, and since many of the foods and activities I’ve enjoyed are now in the penalty box—for good—I’ve decided to make my resolution something of an addition. I want to add something to my life that I haven’t done. Make an additional change that does not include the shame of failure for its difficulty in “giving it up.”

I’m thinking of something distinctive, something entirely new to me. Something I can also do while driving! A touch that would set me apart from the crowd, so to speak. Push the envelope. Make a splash. Fly in the face of convention. And, since resolutions are notoriously hard to keep, it must be something that is hard to quit if you start it. A sort of built-in guarantee of success if you will.


That’s right, I’m going to start smoking.

I’ve never had a bad habit before, so let’s look at the benefits. As a highly social animal, this seems to be right up my alley. Societal impact coupled with personal satisfaction. Not only do I satisfy my own selfish needs, I get to share them with—nay, even impose them on—others.

I get a new wardrobe: I’ll need a smoking jacket. This collector’s item is only $5,271.00. Expensive, I know, but I’m going to be at this awhile. So it will eventually pay for itself.

Smoking is “green”: Cigarette smoking is a practice of burning dried or cured tobacco leaves and inhaling its smoke. Natural is green, and green is always good. I know because I consume mass media.

I can be an example to others: People smoke for a variety of reasons; some smoke for pleasure, others smoke thinking it looks cool. Many people start smoking during their teenage due to the influence of others (family members or friends). I would like to win more friends and similarly influence people, since writing this column doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.

Chances are high that I will never “give up” this resolution as is my tendency: Tobacco contains harmful chemicals such as nicotine and cyanide, which at higher doses are lethal. Nicotine is an alkaloid that has been used in insecticides and in medicines. Though everyone is aware of the fact that smoking can cause serious life-threatening health complications, people can’t quit since nicotine is highly addictive, similar to heroin and other addictive drugs. Researchers have found out that nicotine has a powerful impact on brain activity and the body and mind get used to it as normal. Due to its unavoidable harmful effects, governments have launched public awareness programs and campaigns that ban smoking in public places. Again, I like my chances of success with my resolve.

Not only do I get the benefit of smoking, I get to share it with others, friends and strangers alike: Passive smoking is highly dangerous. According to a study, women who are exposed to passive smoking either in their childhood or as adults have high risk of fertility problems. It has also been suggested that they have more chances of miscarriage than other women who have not been exposed to tobacco. So I get to share my disrespect for myself (which people find funny enough) with others. This is called “payback forward.”

I will be in a large fraternity of brothers: According to the World Health Organization (WHO), about one-third of the total male population in the world smokes tobacco. Bruhs unite!

It won’t be too long before my resolution becomes obvious in many and varied ways: Smoking affects mostly all the organs of the body and suppresses the body’s immune system. It results in bad skin (due to lack of oxygen supply), bad breath (halitosis), and also leads to yellowing of teeth. People who smoke are more susceptible to bronchitis, pneumonia, and other respiratory diseases. Both men and women face fertility problems due to smoking. Remember, it’s good to see results with your resolutions.

Read more at iBuzzle:



Well that should help you see the impact of my New Year’s resolution. Although, in hind-sight, it might be interesting to go on some sort of Crusade.

Check back with me next year.

Happy Smokin’ New Year to all!


One Response to “The Marine View Driver: New Year’s Resolution for the Ages(d)”
  1. BirchCreek says:

    Mike, Mike, Mike…..

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