[EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is a Letter to the Editor, submitted by a verified resident. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Waterland Blog, nor its staff:]

To the City Councilmembers of the City of Des Moines,

I am really disgusted and disappointed by the way the situation with Councilmember Martinelli and his domestic violence charges were handled at the recent city council meeting.

I am a community member working as a Mental Health Therapist. I volunteer on the city’s Human Services Committee. I have over 16 years working exclusively with survivors of domestic violence, including 10 years at DAWN-the agency that serves Des Moines residents. Domestic violence is a complicated issue, I get it. However, what you are doing is extremely dangerous to the survivor in this case. Further, what you are doing is dangerous for other survivors in this community.

For the sake of brevity, I am using perpetrator in place of “alleged perpetrator” and survivor in place of “alleged survivor”. I’m generally not a fan of the way our criminal justice system handles cases of domestic violence. However, as an American citizen, I do hope we are all innocent until proven otherwise.

Councilmembers suggested that community members gain access to the charging documents to “read for themselves” the allegations set forth. The most insidious tactic used by perpetrators of domestic violence is isolation. Councilmembers encouraging public access to the survivor’s thoughts and feelings about what has happened to her, and her words and efforts to gain support for herself is unbelievable. These types of actions suggested will only continue to isolate the survivor and city councilmembers are continuing the abuse and isolation she is experiencing by making these suggestions. It is clear that your intentions are only to punish the perpetrator and your concern for the safety and wellbeing of the survivor is non-existent.

You are sending a message to the survivor that she has no ability to maintain privacy and agency in what happens to her and/or her family. She has repeatedly asked for privacy in this matter which you are blatantly disregarding. You are putting her in danger and opening her up to further abuse by community members and also creating a circumstance where she may not come forward if abuse happens in her relationship in the future. In no way is this the best practice for a public entity to handle communication around DV in their community.

In fact, at the same time that you were speaking about this issue there were other community members discussing the survivor’s situation on Facebook, with many of them discussing the validity of the survivor’s own words. Can any of you imagine public commentary on your personal lives being discussed in this way?

City Councilmembers need to stop the dialogue about this situation in both public and private settings. The councilmembers need to be educated about best practices in communication when a person’s safety is in jeopardy. I would suggest starting with this article that explains why privacy of a survivor’s information is so important: https://www.techsafety.org/privacymatters/. I would also suggest that you reach out to any one of the advocacy agencies in this state that may be able to guide your future communications about this incident. I would suggest starting with the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence – WSCADV.

– Sile Grace Matsui, LICSW

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14 replies on “LETTER: ‘I am really disgusted and disappointed by the way the situation with Councilmember Martinelli and his domestic violence charges were handled’”

  1. I totally agree with Sile Grace Matsui and thank her for sending the letter to the Des Moines City Council.

  2. From the start the council has assumed council member Martinelli is guilty and has done everything they can can to hurt the alleged victim even further. The council and city should really be ashamed.

    1. Over the last several decades the political left has taught us, hammered into our heads repeatedly, that it is the seriousness of the allegations, not whether they are found to be true or not, that are of paramount importance. The left has aired the presumed misdeeds of public officials from Supreme Court Justice Clarance Thomas to Seattle Mayor Ed Murray. Why should Mr. Martinelli not be held to any other standard?

  3. I also agree with Sile Grace Matsui and thank her for sending the letter to the Des Moines City Council.

  4. This Council took the appropriate measure to censure Mr. Martinelli from all committees and ask for his resignation. While serving as our duly elected officials, they have a sworn responsibility to look out for the City, as a whole, and call out any and all colleagues who have compromised the integrity of City Hall by their personal behavior. Mr. Martinelli’s actions did just that. The hardships his victim is currently dealing with is Mr. Martinelli’s fault and his alone. Do not blame the rest of our Council for having to deal with his mess.

    A Councilmember cannot lead publicly where they don’t go privately. He needs to resign immediately and deal with his personal life.

  5. Iread the report and been following how the city has handled this and boy oh boy the city is f****** up at all angles. I imagine Martinelli will have a lot to say when this is all over.

  6. Unfortunately, the victim in this case took to Facebook to engage community members who were not even discussing the incident but encouraging Martinelli to step down and go focus on this so it WOULD be handled privately. Sending messages to community members behind the scenes and using the Des Moines Politics Facebook she controls to silence people asking for Martinelli to step down. She publicly told people to shut up and that he was innocent. When that happens, you have opened yourself up to public response. I think people initially wanted this to be resolved out of office and online. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

    1. amber did all that after Mayor Pinna sent a press release that was posted by King 5 and then this blog posted an article that linked to the report at the bottom. amber had no hope of this being any degree of private from the start. i would respond the same as her especilly if the report is filled with lies as she says.

  7. It’s inappropriate to demand silence from city council on this matter. It’s their job to lead and to speak up on matters affecting the community. All manners of criminal cases have victims, and we discuss those cases publicly all the time. It’s curious to me that there is this persistent demand that council members sweep this under the rug and not that the person charged in this case step down.

    Relatedly, the prosecutor could have left out personal messages when filing their motions. Then they wouldn’t have become a matter of public record. But they are public record, and it is completely inappropriate to suggest that no one access public records.

    Finally, none of this hampers the alleged victim from receiving support and finding safety.

    1. Unfortunately for Amber, when you are a domestic partner of a political figure, you give up much of your personal privacy. If you didn’t realize this, you apparently haven’t ever followed politics.
      I don’t know her or Mr. Martinelli, but I’ve worked in an Emergency Department environment for decades and often the victim will defend the abuser and return to the perpatrator even after significant physical harm. So for her to deny the allegations is not out of the ordinary for a DV victum.

  8. Well, Sile, I get what you’re saying and maybe the council can do something to help the victim. However, the council has a duty to protect the city and censoring is what they can do.
    City council could be held liable for any of Mr. Martinelli ‘s actions going forward via his city Council Seat. Censoring gives city some protection against lawsuits. Let’s remember Mr. Martinelli is totally 100% cause of this. He could simply have resigned concentrated on his personal problems and came back and run for council another day.
    Martinelli is the one putting his victim through this by refusing to resign. So, I say it’s really disgusting and disappointing by the way the Councilmember Martinelli is handling the situation.
    A simple resignation would remove this entirely from the spotlight it’s not like his city Council job is 100% of his livelihood or income. City Council excluding council member Harris who I would agree needs counseling, did the best they could in light of Martinelli ‘s refusal to resign and opposing censoring. Sile with your over 16 years working exclusively with survivors of domestic violence and much wisdom you must have I would encourage you to motivate Mr. MARTINELLI to resign and stop putting his victim, child and city through all of this.

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